Pigeons
We still notice them, sometimes, but soon forget their presence. These days they swish more impetuously, in front of speeding vehicles, barely making it, overconfident. They stare down at us, perched on a myriad cables overhanging our city’s space. Curious groups overseeing our bustle, the haste of our misunderstood time. Poised on roofs or in the hollows of a rickety overpass, their plumped up chests point to the sky dignified. Then, a steep dive. In brief trips from one vector to another, deep murmurs infuse the air, whenever our ear manages to filter, the mass of sounds looming, echoes clashing against brash new buildings. They fly over our park, landing on the faded bridge that crosses over a turbulent river of cars. Their flights are oblivious to change from the increased traffic, our frantic drivers trying to beat the hour, lost in neurotic worry. Pigeons plunging into space that used to be innocent, now taken by construction sites, modern apartment buildings, sets of even more cabling, crisscrossing between. Reaching long, a gray palette of feathers extends before take off, and in a swift sweep, before I know it, they’ve landed with conviction on the next grimy roof. I heard their guttural remarks just the other day, talking amongst themselves, but their meaning got muffled by the wood polisher machine, the tile cutter going full blast, well into the afternoon. ¿What is the secret to their excitement? Pigeons everywhere, so much so, barely anyone ever notices. Coexisting on our roofs, inside carcasses of old buildings soon to be demolished. The common invaders cradle my afternoon, in layers of foggy gray, creamy white, and homey coos.
Commute
Not much is needed, besides good food, select music, and the same unruly road. The 2016 SUV still delivers, though we should at least promise to change her front tires. Soon. Fortunately, our Oxford gray ride is trustworthy, even if she croaks over the dimpled streets of this overgrown city. This morning, your avocado toast soothes with the aroma of sprouted wheat, and my coffee seethes in its metal thermos. But before digging in, you roamed my paid subscription to Spotify and decided to try our luck with an album we haven’t heard yet. It might be a good one. We are a curious pair, of tired city dwellers, commuting each day in hope and determination, that these repetitions will bear fruit for your future. Resolve has become invisible, we feel compelled. ¿Is it the strange working of destiny that makes us travel the twists and crannies of the urban sprawl? The SUV sails among a potpourri of vehicles and trailers, making their own ways, detached from our cause. You bite into the golden toast with certainty. I’ll take that as a good omen after a much needed swig. The piping hot brew disseminates hope. This is our ritual. You illustrate, without intending to, how it is to be so young, gambling on a road with few guarantees. You make me recall. I also used to love toast in the morning and looked out the window as I commuted to school. The city’s corners, its sequestered neighborhoods, populated by gamblers of life, watch us roll by. We loved the album, turned out your selected artist was a darn good songwriter. If it weren’t for you I’d never have known, that’s the thing. We are commuters compelled by shared destinies, travelers, and our road in company already contains the secret password, the lucky charm, your future behind the muddled housing. Soon, I see variegated meadows stretching ahead. Oxford gray roads meld into a new portrait. Our SUV is now venturing into crisp, new territory, the city left behind. Cows graze comforted, green is the guiding color, just as you finish the last of your avo toast.
Ballet Examination
In this room of light diffused Planks beaten by plies and tendus No leeway is given for pretense In space consecrated. Hands reach for the barre Religiously No piece of attire to cover misalignment Any lack in the labors of time. Soon, toe shoes rub in the rosin And left are minuscule splinters Shimmering in the grain. Breath keeps sheltered In the powerhouse chamber Near the heart While gracile turn out of legs extends in synchrony. No false jumps are possible For we would notice stiff landings, A dry thump, Instead, deep plies absorb landings Muffled into sweet sap spilling Soft caramel tendons No sequence improvised Nor a move accidental Arms never let to rest Each finger engaged In the gaze towards the corner Dancers envision eternity And each of them knows what comes next. Exertion is a secret to most Feet embrace the wooden floors scathed with love Buns tightened Ribbons tucked neatly A ritual ceremony unquestioned. The invisible deity that is art Her little servants nearly out of breath Won’t show it They’ll keep going Personified as dance Offering disciplined bodies To rejoice our earthly manifestation.
My Antonia
A quaint, soft-cover book had been sitting around at home for years, in one of Mom’s Mexican rustic bookcases. Back in my twenties, she bought me a batch of English classics to read up. She saw me consume the dainty hardcovers from her Jane Austen collection. Brontë’s Jane Eyre found me a new heroine in the convenient pocket paperback. The yellowish pages from mom’s Wuthering Heights copy revealed the kind of obscure romance I could get hooked on, and dwell on its effects for days. Still, it was a bit difficult for my young self to read these works, as it was an older English than the one I was used to. Also, it wasn’t my habit to halt my reading long enough to dig into the dictionary, learn new words, and above all, retain them. But I never got to My Antonia, life just threw things my way, and I got caught up and entangled in her net. I married, got my own place, had three daughters. The gift kept to itself, stowed in a sturdy cardboard box after one of our many moves. My Antonia stayed put, together with Tess of the D’Urbervilles, Saki’s collection of works, and Jude the Obscure. Somehow not gathering too much dust, loyal to the classic sheen of friendly paperbacks. But how naughty life is. She decided it was My Antonia’s turn, rain or shine. It was for the best, I needed a healthy break from my phone. Checking on social media kept reminding me of my precarious financial situation at that time. Acquaintances flaunted their trips abroad on Facebook, and then reposted on Instagram. They strode along beaches, ate amazing foods, looked great at family get togethers, and were just so happy. Nothing was there for me, for sure. When my youngest began college, we had to drive 30 miles each morning to another district. Gas wasn’t cheap. My backside didn’t take kindly to hours of sitting in the car either. So I decided to wait for her on campus, saw no point in driving back home. I took out My Antonia from her station in the card board box and set myself up to read all about her. I unfolded the seat of our cherry red hatchback, propped up my loins on a couple of old pillows from the linen closet. My morning coffee was hot and ready in a thermos. I took a swig between bites of the breakfast cookies I packed that morning. I read like my young days, when I had no real commitments. Willa Carter’s book went back and forth between districts, Monday to Friday. I built a little routine of breakfast while reading. Took a walk. Back to the car. Read some more. Took a nap. Another small walk, while pondering on the wonderful story of Antonia Shimerdas’ untamed spirit. The realistic storytelling, tidy descriptions, the earnest portrayal of the native natural surroundings didn’t need additions. All was perfect, no Facebook. Those days were for Antonia, Jim, and their part in the building of a nation. Carved out of its earth, begun at the dugouts, moved upward with ambition, sacrifice, and spirit. I wept when, towards the end, after many years, Jim went back to the countryside to visit Antonia. I worried one of them might die before that day, but bodies weren’t frail like that; they could take quite a bit of the harsh wilderness of the agrarian country before giving in to pain and disease. Jim reencountered an even more beautiful woman on that last visit. Abundant in children, she’d borne the fruits of her incessant hunger for life. A love of the land, the physicality of work, and the memories of her father’s own hardship had cultivated her soul. Naturally proud of what she had built, she seemed to know that her mission had been fulfilled. Antonia tamed Nebraska’s wildness in her heart. Her sturdy spirit spoke to me, amidst incoming chat messages I cared little for, and commutes. Those were silly nuances under the rugged will that shaped Antonia’s body. She lost almost all of her teeth to pregnancy, but her eyes shone as always, even in the haggard face of struggle. They celebrated under her garden pagoda, talking as all of Antonia´s children played around. It was victory, the climb out of scarcity, a life lived to the very last drop.
Springs
That hope springs eternal It has been said Sarcasm or bliss But what if hope be the mesh? Sifting, Dread of sharp gravel Impoverished thought disgraced Pictures torn and mended Voiced disarray Chimes hardened to rust No message conveyed. And if hope be the finest Might she be formed by air Flickers of matter Mysterious substance Prowess of light? That nothing could touch her Yet power belied Such fabric confected by hands beyond mind To withstand our sorrows Doubts and dismay I dare say she lies quiet Amidst a spring they call faith So we hide behind eyes Soaked Striding terrains on the bleakest night Groping on forward Hoping to see But desperate hands grow numb We must stop to breathe And when in air unhindered By heavy footsteps dense We notice at last Her lonely hope of sense That hearts might flicker When chimes announce Hidden springs revealed Faith lost and found
Unapologetic
Today Marianne’s jeans fit tight. Reflected on the bedroom mirror Her rounded face announces A waxing moon Her swollen figure rising waters Plump transmutation of phases Compels time for curves Unapologetic Aphrodite above Smiles like cotton candy Remembering the soft babble Of Marianne’s natal baby talk A young brook in her throat When Taurus in the horizon Oceans will wash over generous Convex skin to be embellished In foamy fur From thighs to hips Up the buxom breast Around a venusian belly Still shy Marianne seems vexed But the moon asks for a day or two That she might be heard Through the curved shadows Of a summer night When her light summons Girl almost a woman Close the bedroom door Liberate Aphrodites thighs Under the moon’s plea Let her breasts down free When tides are playful And your imperious belly Full of promise Will claim her power Unapologetic.
Home Element
His hands should feel like home Familiar as fresh morning coffee Otherwise I couldn’t even imagine Steaming cups terrenal Espresso lust and mocha, Dribbling down the corners of our lips. And if our grounds were too alien I’d lose my way to such skin Because when a calm moons linger silent In his stoic eyes constricted His old beam permeates my phantom clouds Troubled from vapors Imprisoned in my mind. We may be two versions of the same As he reaches New heat ignites prudent blue Pink and orange Loosened soil from his grainy palms Tells familiar truth forgotten. And at the highest of life’s overwhelm With gracious hands humid After another grinding afternoon I can still tell He’s not all water He is more of earth So I lean on his chest and feel the evidence. A heart beating sturdy inside firm walls My hands lay on them assured Remembering things elusive. That home can stand amongst phantoms Unsettled Clouded And even then He holds me.
Lifeline
I’ve pondered lately, looking out this lighthouse, the one we never considered stopping at. Your childhood boat cannot get close enough, it seems lost amongst the peaks of heaving challenge, dipping in a yes, swaying in a no. Yet, the beacon keeps doing the rounds, shedding light over the restless ocean of epochs. And we’re still here, trying to moor. The sea hasn’t deceived us, we always knew. There is strength beyond our means, stirring under the waves, and yet, we pretended to navigate by the book, as if unsurprised. When I finally made it to land you weren’t with me. I walked to the stone tower, let myself inside its vacant walls of salt. The emptiness roared as I climbed up the spiralling stairs, the weight of our past heavy, on my dried out knees. But I chose to come. Every night, as I tried to sleep, I could hear them. Powerful waves of deep secrets crashed against the cliffs, all around. And every night my eyes snapped open, just before the worst and final blow. I got the chance you didn’t on that unexpected misty morning, when our shabby boats settled over a silent crystal pool. The creaking stopped, the wind grew still. I could see right through to the bottom. Blue-green rays rippled below, soothing the interior, making soft dunes. I imagined myself a seal in divine waters, so I dove in and swam unhurriedly toward the lighthouse. You were sleeping. But I didn’t expect the emptiness inside, and I wasn’t properly attired for virgin land. Love, nobody will tell you. Beginner’s freedom stands cold against a brazen ocean, no voices, no song. Will you ever forgive my leaving? I’m still here, at the lighthouse. Won’t you look up, ride a wave, leave the dried up boat. Break off the pretended vessel. Come to me. I’ll ask the sky for a misty evening, because I know you hate mornings. I’ll throw you a line, but only if you are willing. It’s the only way oceans really settle, the only way they abide.
Prayer
I need Grace from the universe Miracles Strength under my feet Electric breath pushing upward. A new gift from the whole of it A token A pass Gateway to abundance Incoming tide on my barren bank. River of heaven I look up and plead from under Drench my porous faith Where broken stone invaded naive pebbles. Nourish me Ripple in organic microcosms Bustling of minerals pervade the dryness, My skin to awaken This body to engage. Retreat and leave me after Glistening in radiant sheen Almost vacant Drenched in grace Crisp. And know me Under the roar of rivers My voice lost asunder In currents gone wild That these hands would not ask If this soul didn’t need.
Song Spirit
Song Spirit of days past delivers appropriate comment. Thoughts triggered by melodies ongoing in the city’s mist, uploaded onto particles invisible, that he knows well how to catch. Quickly, he throws in the right verse. Masterful in the art of capturing exact moments, almost a machine, he recovers musings leftover from sleep, memories believed to be forgotten, old coats hung in the cloakrooms of our past. He sings by day and, when night falls, keeps to himself, as we observe dreams unfold in curiosity. Dim meanings unravel in ways I cannot decipher. But his silence has a purpose. He waits until morning, when the proper wavelength travels back, again filling my head with sound. Upon awakening, Song Spirit catches passing vibrations and pokes at my ear. That I should know the song, that it sings exactly what we saw in dreams, that I should learn it already. We yawn. Soonafter he takes flight afresh, dismissing my pace. I asked him to stop for a moment, to explain the new tune circling my head. He answered it was impossible, for he catches moments riding sound waves, it’s a continuum. What he won’t say is that his work is play, when he tickles the sprites to release the song I had forgotten.